Kids and Coping

My kids' lives are in upheaval right now. For starters, we're moving in a few months. They're leaving all their friends and school and everything behind to move to a smaller, older house...closer to cousins, but that's about it as far as they're concerned. They're also dealing with the fact that my father is going through chemotherapy right now, and while my son knows what cancer is, he doesn't really "get it." And there are other things in the mix too. As I was told recently, we're dealing with like three of the top ten stressors a person can go through in their life.

And my kids are, so far, taking it all in stride. There have been some questions, of course, but I think the answers to the ones they've asked have helped them to understand some of the ones they didn't know how to ask. The best part though? They are excited about the move and new bedrooms and decorating and swimming at their aunt's this summer.

That right there is something that I often feel is missing from books about kids/teens. Yes, some kids will kick and scream and gnash their teeth at any change, but others...roll with the punches better than anyone could ever expect. And I say that as the mother of an autistic child--you know, the kid who isn't supposed to deal with change...at all.

The difficult thing is on the odd occasion I see kids like that in books, they aren't consistent. Harry is fine with being a wizard, but is shocked at the moving staircases. Whereas the kids who have always known about Hogwarts oooed and ahhhed the staircases too. One of my editors spoke to me recently about her biggest pet peeve, and it's basically that--when a character does something that goes against all the character building done up to the moment of the scene. Consistency is important to readers because even when people act differently than normal, it's usually still within the realm of their nature.

As for my kids and how they're dealing? I was happily surprised that it wasn't a moment that when against their character. They've always been the type to look for and find silver linings. I think with all the dark this time, fictional characters had prepared me for mine to lose that ability. I thank my lucky stars that didn't happen.

Here Comes the Sun

This post is going live at 12:30 am, the time of the winter solstice where I live. So from me to you: Yuletide Greetings!

For those who don't know, in many Pagan traditions, Yule marks the birth of the sun god (or the victory of the god of the "light" half of the year). While Samhain (Halloween) is the Pagan New Year, for me Yule and its bringing of the light is more of a time of renewal. I find the weeks between Samhain and Yule to be a time of reflection (which often, when combined with other aspects of the coming winter holidays leads to stress). Yule is one of the times when I seek to find an inner calm. I've already spent almost two months in self-examination, and this is the time when I make decisions about where I want my life to go in the coming year.

2011 has been a... a hell of a ride. Like all the best roller coasters, it was filled with ups and downs and even threw me for a loop more than once. As the ride's about to end, I can either get right back on or I can look for a different ride. The thing is, life isn't like an amusement park. When you get off one ride and head to the next at Cedar Point or Disney or wherever, you generally know what you're going to next. You get to choose if you want more thrills and madness or if you're ready for something a little more sedate. Life's more like going to an amusement park, drawing your next ride out of a hat, and having to go on it regardless of if you're... afraid of heights, or can't swim, or even have a heart condition.

And that's what happens when you decide to make changes in your life. You're throwing away the roller coaster, and hoping that when you walk away, it's to find yourself on an even better ride (whatever that "better" is for you).

If you've ever been to an amusement park with me, you know there are usually a handful of rides that, if given the choice, I'd spend all day riding over and over again. The funny part is, if you know me, you know I'm not like that with life. No matter how good the status quo might be, I get... antsy. I want the surprises and the new challenges and all the ups and downs that will come with them. With that in mind, with the coming of the light, I'm letting it shine into the dark corners of me and clearing out what doesn't work as well as I want it to and making room for new (hopefully better) stuff.

And no matter what else, I hope it's an awesome ride.

No matter what you celebrate, I hope you have a happy and blessed holiday!




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